When Marriage Becomes an Idol
You remain single.
I used to distract myself from loneliness with ambitions. But when I finally achieved a major milestone this year, I felt lonelier—a sharp, profound loneliness.
I didn’t open a bottle of champagne. I didn’t go out to eat. I didn’t buy anything. I didn’t tell any of my friends. I thanked God, and that was it.
Could I have celebrated with anyone? Certainly. I could’ve broadcasted it on Facebook, showing off to people I barely know in real life. But I have nothing to prove to others. I’ve proven to myself that God is faithful, and that’s enough.
It wasn’t until then that I gained a deeper understanding of—well, I find it hard not to sound cheesy—the greatest blessing in this meaningless life: family.
Struggling to make ends meet muffles loneliness. You can always hope for a financial breakthrough and imagine that money will solve all your problems.
Therefore, the purpose of writing this article is twofold: to promote the necessity of marriage in an era of sexual perversion, but also, to discourage you from pursuing marriage—because
Marriage cannot be pursued; it must be given.
In this article:
I was sifted as wheat
Praying for marriage misses the point
When are you qualified for a godly marriage?
How to delight yourself in the Lord
I was sifted as wheat
“For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” Job 3:25
Try writing down what you fear the most—let those fearsome whispers scream. You might find it tormenting to even process it. Just a moment of such thought can paralyze you.
That’s what happened to me at the beginning of 2024.
When what I dreaded the most happened, I was immediately furious with God. I wanted to renounce Jesus and commit the most detestable sins. I wanted to be a prostitute, get drunk, take drugs, practice witchcraft, tear up my Bible, hate everyone, and spit on anything that remotely resembled a cross—basically, to take revenge on God by destroying myself.
And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.” Luke 22:31-32
The intensity of my rage drove me mad—a whirl of darkness, a swarm of demons besieging me; their claws were on me, dragging me down into a deeper abyss. I screamed out of desperation, and the Word of God came to my mind: Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
So I cried out His own Word to Him. You said this. In the snap of a finger, the darkness dispersed, and peace beyond comprehension suffused the room. At that point, I couldn’t distinguish the spiritual from the physical, but I sensed mists of light, mellow and soothing like the moon.
I knew He had truly come. For the first time, I understood that the presence of God and a visitation are different.
That might have been the craziest spiritual warfare I experienced this year, but it was by no means the only one. Demons tried to kill me in a lucid dream. I cast out demons twice in my dreams. The most recent one happened two weeks ago. A boy collapsed to the ground the moment I said, “In the name of Jesus,” as the demons left him. I had three prophetic dreams—given to me in May, June, and November—and all three explained themselves as they came to pass in December.
This year had been too eventful for me to feel lonely, until I took a break.
Praying for marriage miss the point
While I love praying for those of you who are hoping for a godly marriage, I want to give you something better—God will certainly give you the one. Now, the point is: how are you going to get through the waiting season?
When marriage becomes an idol, you remain single. The more you want it, the more it proves that you’re not ready for it. You must understand one thing—God does not tolerate idols. Anything you desire more than Him is an idol. Idolatry is sin. There is nothing cute about it.
Many Christian marriages struggle because the couples have not been trained to put God first in their singleness. They got what they prayed for and then threw Him in the corner of the garage. Those couples who graduated from a successful season of singleness do much better in marriage.
You must be a successful single Christian before you’re qualified for a "kingdom marriage" that serves God’s purpose.
Many worldly marriages were never endorsed by God to begin with. Many Christians hurried into marriage before they were qualified—right person, wrong timing. Both situations bring unnecessary detours and pain. All of these will sabotage your walk with the Lord.
So when are you qualified for a godly marriage?
When you’re okay with never getting married.
When you dare to pray, “Lord, if You want me to serve You in singleness, I trust in You, and I will delight in You.”
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you your heart’s desire.”
You can’t pretend that you delight yourself in the Lord. He knows your heart.
The truth is counterintuitive. All good things will chase after you when you cease chasing after them. If you struggle with finances, give more to those who struggle harder; if you struggle with loneliness, delight in the Lord and serve people—
For giving means having, and for whosoever has, to him more shall be given. The more love you give, the more you receive; the more money you give, the more you receive. The most blessed and abundant people are givers. God is the giver. If you want to inherit His abundance, act like His children. Do the same.
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How to delight yourself in the Lord?
“If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words:
Then shalt thou delight thyself in the Lord; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.” Isaiah 58:13-14
The answer is in Isaiah 58:13-14:
Not dishonoring Sabbath
Not doing things your way
Not seeking your own pleasure
Not speaking your own words
In a word, you must die.
We do not lack self-identified Christians. We lack soldiers who join the army of God with a vow of Esther: “If I perish, I perish.”
Most Christians can’t enjoy sin, yet they hardly experience the power of God. They desire miracles but disobey principles. As a result, they linger in the limbo of being saved but disappointed, convicted but indecisive.
If you want to be tremendously blessed, you must be fully devoted.
In practice, this is how I delighted myself in the Lord:
Repent, worship, work out, meditate, pray, fast, tithe.
Repent each day. Worship each morning. Work out always. Meditate on the Word of God. Practice intermittent fasting daily and prolonged fasts bi-weekly. Tithe weekly.
At first, you do it out of discipline. Soon, it will be your delight, for the reward is great.
A God-ordained spouse will maximize your faith and work, but before you delight in the Lord and His purpose for you, you're better off single.
Prepare your outside work,
Make it fit for yourself in the field;
And afterward build your house.” Proverbs 24:27
Marriage is only a blessing when it’s given from the Lord—and He adds no sorrows to it. (Proverbs 10:22)
If He hasn’t given it to you, don’t take it.
Lastly, this is a prayer for you:
Father, teach me how to delight in You. Enlighten my path so I will be fulfilled in You. I offer my body as a living sacrifice to You, Father, so You may renew my mind and so I may know Your perfect will for my life. Bless me with more faith to step into my destiny, straighten my path, and keep me in Your plan for me. Let me love what You love and hate what You hate. Teach me Your way and fill my mind with Your thought. Highlight my idols and empower me to let go. Reveal to me the strong man in my distress and show me how to bind the strong man and be free. Your plan for me is far better than mine. Prepare me for my destiny. Fill my heart with peace and joy. Let Your Holy Spirit lead me and fill me. Bless me with the ability to love. Teach me the fear of the Lord and bless me with the wisdom to live abundantly. Let my marriage be Your glory and for Your purpose. Make me a man/woman after Your own heart. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
What next:
🎧Radical transformation:
👩🏻💻Smash your idols:
👩🏻💻Advice for singles as well:
If a marriage is to be considered a gift, we can pray to receive it. Especially if we have a strong, divine desire for it, or a need. These can be signs from God to pursue it spiritually. Ask and you will be given. Some people can pray, or even fast for very basic gifts like the gift of tongues. So why not present in prayer our needs to God so it is solved according God's Will? Another topic is how to manage our personal situations. I would suggest to meet people, listen to others, watch, answer, maybe even search somehow, do not block ourselves, be really open-minded, evaluate possibilities. God is unconventional. Still, God can tests us severely. I received a prophecy, a promise that I would be given a girl, a wife some years ago and among many tribulations still it has not been fulfilled for years. Patience.
Thank you, I really appreciate your candor and wisdom! It has been a long and painful journey to dethrone this idol of marriage but by the Lord's grace and mercy, He has led me to it, to be fulfilled in Him and in total acceptance of His plan for me, be it marriage or not. I don't want it if He's not fully in it and behind it! Thank you Alice, praise our King Yeshua 🙏🏻